Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize
