If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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