dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
