oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize