that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
