Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
