i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
