Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
