We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
