Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
she peed on how many people?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
did i just pee glitter
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
