i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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