I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
