Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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