The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
