She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
