Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize