3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
