sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
