there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
