Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize