Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Randomize
