im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
