Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
