dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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