Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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