Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Randomize
