Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
