proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
