I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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