I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
