my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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