im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
