currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
