True but thats because hes a fetus.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
