I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
