Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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