Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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