if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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