you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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