I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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