Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
