She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
