What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
