you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
