u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
