Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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