I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize