You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
