she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize