There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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