If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
