I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
BRING THE BAGELS
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
