I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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