Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
