trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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