I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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