This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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