me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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