Everything about him screamed your future.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Will exercising make me less horny?
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