They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
