After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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