Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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