oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
