Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
