So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
