I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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