using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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