ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Someone shit on the floor
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize