this boner is exhausting
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
