yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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