Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
