my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
