my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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