I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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