Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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