When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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