listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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