Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
