i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
