did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
