I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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