i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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