He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
