you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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