I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize