I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
