It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
