Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
